The Dream
... but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. (Psalm 66:19)
This journey began six and a half years ago... November 2003. The day Micaiah our first born entered the world. I had a long labour but never fully dilated. After being at 9 cms for several hours, the decision was made to deliver via c-section. I hadn't considered that I wouldn't be able to deliver vaginally but I was thankful for a healthy baby. 21 months later I was in labour again. I wanted to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) but when I got to the hospital and was told that I was about 1/2cm dilated, I was discouraged and opted for Eli to be born via c-section. I was a little disappointed, but was again happy to have a happy healthy baby boy. A year later when I became pregnant with Eden, I didn't think I had a choice so a c-section was scheduled and again the result was a healthy baby. I was at peace with the fact that I would never experience a vaginal birth...
or would I?
We hadn't really been planning a fourth child... but I see each child as a blessing from God. Early in my pregnancy I had a dream that this baby was born vaginally... I woke up feeling like it was so real... but that was crazy, was it safe to have a vaginal birth after 3 c-sections? I shoved the thought out of my mind knowing it was crazy to entertain such a thing. BUT the feeling would not go away... I was prompted to pray. I prayed that God would take this desire away from me... I did not regret having the c-sections. After a few initial thoughts of failure after the first two, I had peace that we had done the best thing for me and for our children. I did not want to start having feelings of inadequacy and to desire something that was not all possible. The feelings did not go away and I became convinced that God had placed this desire in my heart. My prayer became "God if this is not of you, please take this desire away from me."
I decided to tell JDF how I was feeling and asked him to pray with me. I had his full support to explore this and he also became convinced that this is something that God was asking us to do.
The next few months became a faith journey for us... I saw God's hand work in ways that I never had before...
What a sweet beginning to your story about Marcus! While I know the "ending", so to speak, looking through your eyes gives it a fresh and Godly perspective that is always welcome! I am so happy for you, Joe and the entire family. Obviously you were meant to be a Momma and God has blessed you richly!
ReplyDeleteLove ya
That DOES put it in perspective because I have been mad at the OB for not taking me to the OR with Reis- he was 10lbs at birth 8-O. I could have used a c-section for real. I dont' know the "ending" but am hoping that you starting this story means that you got your VBAC with Marcus! :-) Congrats again!
ReplyDeletevanessa